Dear Caroline,
I love that this morning when we were running into school, racing to get to the gate first, you stopped dead in your tracks to pick up a bright red leaf, exclaiming "I found a beautiful leaf, and it's for you" Just seconds before you were singularly focussed on beating me to the gate and then in a second's notice, were fine to brush that aside and take in beauty. Point taken little one. Point taken.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Broken heart
Dear Caroline,
Oh this morning was hard, so hard. For the first time ever you cried when I left you at school and boy did you cry hard. My first thought was to just take you with me and call in to work to let them know I quit. I didn’t though. I gave you one last hug and scurried out the door while one of the assistant teachers held you with big tears dripping down your face and your arms outstretched. I walked out the door of your room and pulled my sunglasses down off my head so the other parents in the hall wouldn’t see my tears about to spill over. Urgh – my stomach gets a knot just thinking about how much that hurts to see you so sad. I see you cry all the time, but this was different. I was leaving you. And you were really torn up about it.
Then I got an e-mail after lunch from your teacher who said you had a great morning and took a great nap. I have no idea how long the crying lasted, but clearly not forever. And I realize that this won’t last forever and like everything it is just a stage. It just reminds me how important it is that the time we spend together is quality even when it’s hard. We have been going to swim lessons together and while some nights you’re tired and less enthusiastic than others, I love getting to share in that time together.
Just the other day your dad said that he can’t even stomach the thought of you getting hurt, or feeling let down or being picked on. But the reality is that we all go through this and it’s what makes us infinitely more capable to empathize with others. I think I’m realizing the key is making your home and family into a safe place to help you pick up the pieces and grow stronger after these things happen.
And so this morning was really probably a chance for us both to break and grow a little stronger. I hope that in a couple of years when you’re older and see another kid who is sad you can lend them comfort because you know it feels like to be sad, but more importantly who know how valuable it is to be comforted and loved when you’re feeling down. That is where we come in and get teed up for the biggest job of our lives. I hope we’re up to the challenge and promise to always do my best.
I love you,
Mom
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
The Pool
Dear Caroline,
We live on an interesting street. There are some houses that have been all fixed up and are freshly painted and landscaped and some that are, well, not. I wrestle with the fact that we have some people down the street who are clearly scrapping things as their main source of income and have a yard to prove it. Of course it came as no surprise when they put up an above ground pool - in their front yard. I'm over it, and love the character of our neighborhood so much that this is just one more thing. I have to admit though, I thought I knew what was in store for this pool from the start. Here's how I thought it would go - blow up/fill up this giant pool, play in it for a couple of days, the water gets gross, they don't take care of it and we have a steaming 4 foot deep cesspool (fully equipped with a ladder) for the rest of the summer. Eye roll, sigh and move on.
However I was wrong, really wrong. They clean, fill and refill this pool more consistently that I clean any part of our house. They dutifully cover it each night. But most of all, they use it, all the time. There is a gaggle of children living/hanging out at that house and they are in that pool all day and well into the evening hours just having the time of their lives. I actually have come to love sitting on our front porch and listening to them giggle, splash, dive over and over again in the evenings after you have gone to bed. These kids have to be absolutely exhausted each night when their little heads hit their pillows and I love that for them. I have such great memories of playing in the pool all day as a kid and then falling asleep with pink cheeks at night, I hope you get to do this too one day.
This taught me a larger lesson though that I want to share with you. I was wrong about our neighbors. While we don't talk with them much, I certainly had some ideas about them and their pool that just weren't right in the end. I know I talked about it in my last post, but I love that you don't have these judgments yet and hope that I can grow in my own ability to love and accept others.
While I don't think we will be putting a pool in our front yard any time soon, we did put a little one on the side of the house for you.
Love you,
Mom
We live on an interesting street. There are some houses that have been all fixed up and are freshly painted and landscaped and some that are, well, not. I wrestle with the fact that we have some people down the street who are clearly scrapping things as their main source of income and have a yard to prove it. Of course it came as no surprise when they put up an above ground pool - in their front yard. I'm over it, and love the character of our neighborhood so much that this is just one more thing. I have to admit though, I thought I knew what was in store for this pool from the start. Here's how I thought it would go - blow up/fill up this giant pool, play in it for a couple of days, the water gets gross, they don't take care of it and we have a steaming 4 foot deep cesspool (fully equipped with a ladder) for the rest of the summer. Eye roll, sigh and move on.
However I was wrong, really wrong. They clean, fill and refill this pool more consistently that I clean any part of our house. They dutifully cover it each night. But most of all, they use it, all the time. There is a gaggle of children living/hanging out at that house and they are in that pool all day and well into the evening hours just having the time of their lives. I actually have come to love sitting on our front porch and listening to them giggle, splash, dive over and over again in the evenings after you have gone to bed. These kids have to be absolutely exhausted each night when their little heads hit their pillows and I love that for them. I have such great memories of playing in the pool all day as a kid and then falling asleep with pink cheeks at night, I hope you get to do this too one day.
This taught me a larger lesson though that I want to share with you. I was wrong about our neighbors. While we don't talk with them much, I certainly had some ideas about them and their pool that just weren't right in the end. I know I talked about it in my last post, but I love that you don't have these judgments yet and hope that I can grow in my own ability to love and accept others.
While I don't think we will be putting a pool in our front yard any time soon, we did put a little one on the side of the house for you.
Love you,
Mom
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Hi! Hi! Hi!
Dear Caroline,
You are starting to learn more words, but still love to stick to some of your old favorites. One of your all time favorites is "Hi" and of course its cousin "Bye bye." It's amazing the way you say it, like it's a little song and you pair it with a sweet waive almost every time.
While that's cute, there is something extra special about you right now: you say hi and bye bye to everyone and anyone. It sounds funny at first, and sometimes it really is because of the reactions you get which are almost always positive and friendly. But the more I think about it, usually in some semblance of silence after we've left a store or restaurant and I'm driving us home just us two in the car, the more I am in awe of you. You say hi to little kids you look like you, to grown ups who look like me or dad, but then it gets interesting. You say to people who are really different from our family, people who don't have homes and haven't showered in a long time, old people who probably don't get a lot of "hi's" in their lives these days, people who wear special clothes as part of their religious beliefs, people who are in a hurry and aren't paying much attention but are shocked and touched by your simple greeting.
You are amazing. You want to be friends with all kinds of people and truth be told I think after you break they ice, they want to be your friend too. I often get comments when we're out that you're the friendliest baby people have ever seen; you're really not clingy or shy like most people expect when they encounter a 15 month old. In that way and so many others, I think you're treasure. I dread the day that I have to tell you that not all people are good and well intentioned in this world and that there are maybe even some you have to be afraid of. But for now, I think I'll keep that to myself and we'll just go on making new friends.
Bye bye,
Mom
You are starting to learn more words, but still love to stick to some of your old favorites. One of your all time favorites is "Hi" and of course its cousin "Bye bye." It's amazing the way you say it, like it's a little song and you pair it with a sweet waive almost every time.
While that's cute, there is something extra special about you right now: you say hi and bye bye to everyone and anyone. It sounds funny at first, and sometimes it really is because of the reactions you get which are almost always positive and friendly. But the more I think about it, usually in some semblance of silence after we've left a store or restaurant and I'm driving us home just us two in the car, the more I am in awe of you. You say hi to little kids you look like you, to grown ups who look like me or dad, but then it gets interesting. You say to people who are really different from our family, people who don't have homes and haven't showered in a long time, old people who probably don't get a lot of "hi's" in their lives these days, people who wear special clothes as part of their religious beliefs, people who are in a hurry and aren't paying much attention but are shocked and touched by your simple greeting.
You are amazing. You want to be friends with all kinds of people and truth be told I think after you break they ice, they want to be your friend too. I often get comments when we're out that you're the friendliest baby people have ever seen; you're really not clingy or shy like most people expect when they encounter a 15 month old. In that way and so many others, I think you're treasure. I dread the day that I have to tell you that not all people are good and well intentioned in this world and that there are maybe even some you have to be afraid of. But for now, I think I'll keep that to myself and we'll just go on making new friends.
Bye bye,
Mom
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I'm Back
Dear Caroline,
As you know I haven't been ignoring you for the past 10 months or so, in fact quite the opposite. We've been busy playing, watching you learn how to crawl, walk and talk. You're pretty amazing and instead of blogging I've been all wrapped up in you. That's only partly fair because this blog is really for you, to look back on when you're older and read the story of your life from my perspective.
I'm so proud of all that you are learning these days. I'm also starting to learn that there is a LOT stored up in your little brain waiting to explode. Just this week you were reaching for dad's whole apple. You LOVE to carry it around and take little bites with your few front teeth. It's a bit of a mess though and means dad doesn't really get to eat the apple. So he said to you, "Caroline, if you can say apple I'll give it to you." And you did. Just like that. AAAA...bbbb...lllll. It was clear as can be. You only have a few words right now so needless to say we were all surprised and you got your apple!
Last night dad came home around 7:30. I put you down around 7 and assumed you were asleep. You were not. When he peeked in you were wide awake with your feet propped up on the wall through the slats of your crib. I'm crazy about your bedtime routine but we couldn't help but let you get up for a little while and play. You were so happy to do this and the three of us had some giggles so serious they almost made us cry! My lesson for the day, sometimes every once in a while it's OK to break the routine and have some special time.
Love you,
Mom
As you know I haven't been ignoring you for the past 10 months or so, in fact quite the opposite. We've been busy playing, watching you learn how to crawl, walk and talk. You're pretty amazing and instead of blogging I've been all wrapped up in you. That's only partly fair because this blog is really for you, to look back on when you're older and read the story of your life from my perspective.
I'm so proud of all that you are learning these days. I'm also starting to learn that there is a LOT stored up in your little brain waiting to explode. Just this week you were reaching for dad's whole apple. You LOVE to carry it around and take little bites with your few front teeth. It's a bit of a mess though and means dad doesn't really get to eat the apple. So he said to you, "Caroline, if you can say apple I'll give it to you." And you did. Just like that. AAAA...bbbb...lllll. It was clear as can be. You only have a few words right now so needless to say we were all surprised and you got your apple!
Last night dad came home around 7:30. I put you down around 7 and assumed you were asleep. You were not. When he peeked in you were wide awake with your feet propped up on the wall through the slats of your crib. I'm crazy about your bedtime routine but we couldn't help but let you get up for a little while and play. You were so happy to do this and the three of us had some giggles so serious they almost made us cry! My lesson for the day, sometimes every once in a while it's OK to break the routine and have some special time.
Love you,
Mom
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Dear Caroline,
You are a good baby. There is no way around it. Even though this is my first go around as a mom, I know that not all babies give smiles anytime you need one and start sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old. Not all babies take to nursing as easily as you and ease all the anticipation and worry their moms had about getting the hang of that. You are a good baby.
However, when something goes a little off kilter you take me by surprise! I was surprised that when I got back from my work trip to Vancouver you stopped sleeping for 8+ uninterrupted hours at night. I think you are geniunely hungry, but I also think you're working on getting comfortable in your own skin at night. I wish there was something I could do to help with this, but alas I think you will have to figure this out on your own.
You are sleeping soundly now in your carseat. This seems to be a good trick (though maybe not a trick at all!). You fall asleep in the car, I bring you out and put your in your room and crack the door. Sometimes you'll sleep for hours like this.
We have a big trip this weekend and I'm nervous and hopeful about how you will do. Grandma and Grandpa will be there to help, but the 9 hour car ride will be just you, me and Dad. Let's hope for plenty of sleep and relaxation for you.
Love,
Mom
You are a good baby. There is no way around it. Even though this is my first go around as a mom, I know that not all babies give smiles anytime you need one and start sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old. Not all babies take to nursing as easily as you and ease all the anticipation and worry their moms had about getting the hang of that. You are a good baby.
However, when something goes a little off kilter you take me by surprise! I was surprised that when I got back from my work trip to Vancouver you stopped sleeping for 8+ uninterrupted hours at night. I think you are geniunely hungry, but I also think you're working on getting comfortable in your own skin at night. I wish there was something I could do to help with this, but alas I think you will have to figure this out on your own.
You are sleeping soundly now in your carseat. This seems to be a good trick (though maybe not a trick at all!). You fall asleep in the car, I bring you out and put your in your room and crack the door. Sometimes you'll sleep for hours like this.
We have a big trip this weekend and I'm nervous and hopeful about how you will do. Grandma and Grandpa will be there to help, but the 9 hour car ride will be just you, me and Dad. Let's hope for plenty of sleep and relaxation for you.
Love,
Mom
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