Dear Caroline,
Oh this morning was hard, so hard. For the first time ever you cried when I left you at school and boy did you cry hard. My first thought was to just take you with me and call in to work to let them know I quit. I didn’t though. I gave you one last hug and scurried out the door while one of the assistant teachers held you with big tears dripping down your face and your arms outstretched. I walked out the door of your room and pulled my sunglasses down off my head so the other parents in the hall wouldn’t see my tears about to spill over. Urgh – my stomach gets a knot just thinking about how much that hurts to see you so sad. I see you cry all the time, but this was different. I was leaving you. And you were really torn up about it.
Then I got an e-mail after lunch from your teacher who said you had a great morning and took a great nap. I have no idea how long the crying lasted, but clearly not forever. And I realize that this won’t last forever and like everything it is just a stage. It just reminds me how important it is that the time we spend together is quality even when it’s hard. We have been going to swim lessons together and while some nights you’re tired and less enthusiastic than others, I love getting to share in that time together.
Just the other day your dad said that he can’t even stomach the thought of you getting hurt, or feeling let down or being picked on. But the reality is that we all go through this and it’s what makes us infinitely more capable to empathize with others. I think I’m realizing the key is making your home and family into a safe place to help you pick up the pieces and grow stronger after these things happen.
And so this morning was really probably a chance for us both to break and grow a little stronger. I hope that in a couple of years when you’re older and see another kid who is sad you can lend them comfort because you know it feels like to be sad, but more importantly who know how valuable it is to be comforted and loved when you’re feeling down. That is where we come in and get teed up for the biggest job of our lives. I hope we’re up to the challenge and promise to always do my best.
I love you,
Mom
